Going home

Note from April’09

My solo going home after a very long time

This going-home journey, this time, is not only going home to my parents, to my roots, but has also been a journey home to myself.

Being myself, after years of being a wife and a mother, a lot of things change in me. A lot of thought flashed through my minds. Inevitable aging, sickness, and finally death. Love, patience, understanding, listening between the lines. Anger, worries, irritation, and a way to get out of them.

When I see Mum, I see myself. The way she is irritated by my Dad is so alike my irritation due to Eka. The bother we created for ourselves. LIke seeing myself through a mirror, I can see clearly that we have options. We have options to hold the grudge and being miserable, or choose to let go, take it easy and maintain the peace and happiness inside. I learn that happiness is something we have to find within ourselves, and something that is essential for being able to love. Happiness is also something we can maintain no matter how irritating and challenging the things outside of us are. The peace and happiness within ourselves is also something essential for being able to see the goodness in others. If we are miserable ourselves, whatever others do or say, it feels like something scratching our ego; but if we are intact inside, we see the person as they are, and realize that they are more than what they say or do.

I also learn that in marriage, the relationship between the spouses is the most important. I always feel like doing everything best for the kids, but I see things differently now. The happiness of mum and dad, and the quality of the relationship is what giving the foundation of the family. It creates stability, warmth, security, and create a safe environment for the kids to grow and develop themselves. I feel this is a very big homework for us. You have to love and like your spouse, you have to enjoy each other’s company. If that’s not the case, you have to work hard for it. Again, going back to the previous points, each have to strive for their own happiness first, to create and maintain the peace within themselves, then it will be easier. Any wound, any trauma has to be healed first.

it’s funny how we communicate as family (my own family I mean, with my brothers, sisters, and parents). We tend not to tell what we really want, especially my parents. Here, I learnt to read (or listen) between the lines, to learn what they actually want. I think I am becoming better and better with it. But as they never tell you what they really want, you’ll never be sure.

I just hope, we (me and my brother and sisters) can contribute to their happiness of our parents and have no regrets when its too late to do anything for them.

Dear Lala

Salah satu, eh salah dua buku favoritku sepanjang masa adalah Little house of the prairie dan Anne of Green Gable. Buku yang pertama diangkat dari kisah nyata masa kecil penulisnya, dan yang kedua adalah fiksi, tapi terinspirasi dari masa kecil penulisnya juga, karena mengambil setting di Prince Edward Island, Canada tempat Lucy Montgomery menghabiskan masa kecilnya. Tokoh utama dari kedua cerita itu, Laura dan Anne bukanlah gadis yang paling cantik, bahkan sering mereka merasa jelek dan tidak puas dengan penampilan fisik mereka. Tapi keduanya menjadi tokoh favorit banyak anak-anak dan juga orang dewasa di sepanjang masa, karena hal-hal lain yang lebih penting dari sekedar wajah menawan.

Keduanya juga bukan gadis kaya dengan masa kecil di rumah besar bak istana. Laura dibesarkan di keluarga sangat sederhana, cenderung miskin dan Anne anak yatim piatu yang kemudian diangkat anak oleh dua bersaudara Marilla dan Matthew, petani biasa dengan hidup sederhana.

Mereka berdua juga bukan orang yang terbaik di segala hal, bukan yang paling pintar di segala bidang, atau yang memecahkan rekor dunia. Dalam banyak hal, mereka adalah mediokre, seperti kebanyakan orang, seperti kita-kita.

Saat mereka remaja dan beranjak dewasa, mereka bukan gadis yang memikat hati semua laki-laki, atau yang paling populer di sekolah dan lingkungannya. Tapi mereka berdua sama-sama menemukan pasangan mereka, yang kisahnya ditulis dengan indah. Anne dengan GIlbert Blythe-nya, dan Laura dengan Almanzo Wilder-nya.

Tapi ada sesuatu yang membuat mereka begitu memikat. Aku juga tidak sepenuhnya paham apa. Mungkin itu kekuatan watak mereka, kepercayaan diri mereka, atau semata kesederhanaan mereka dan betapa miripnya mereka dengan kehidupan kita seadanya, dan betapa mereka menerima diri mereka apa adanya.

Dear Lala, seiring kamu dewasa, semoga kamu menemukan itu semua, menemukan dirimu, dan mencintai dirimu, sebesar kami selalu mencintaimu.